Oct 22, 2021

“I’m raising my baby with they/them pronouns”

The Mother Yarns

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The parenting podcast you were warned about! It's The Mother Yarns! Rebecca Keil and Emily Writes are mamas and best friends and they want to laugh and cry with you and journey on this wild ride that is parenting.
Episode details

Welcome to episode 11 of The Mother Yarns! We are so happy to have us here with you and as always we are eternally grateful for your support.

In this episode we talk to Emily’s bestie Kiki. Kiki and her partner use they/them pronouns for their beautiful wee baby. We talk about gender stereotypes and providing space for our children to explore their gender.

We talked about how that works in theory, in pratice and in day-to-day life. We talk about what the reaction has been and we ask the questions we think you want to know.

Let’s talk about some of the terminology we use in the podcast. If we missed any please let us know! There are no silly questions!

These descriptions are from Gender Minorities Aotearoa.

Transgender - An umbrella term for people whose gender identity and/or gender expression differs from what is culturally typically associated with the gender/sex they were assigned at birth. People under the transgender umbrella may describe themselves using one or more of a wide variety of terms or may simply use transgender. Some of those terms are defined below.Some people who fit this definition may not consider themselves to be under the transgender unbrella or transgender. Use the descriptive term preferred by the individual.

Cisgender - Prefix or adjective that means not trans. Cisgender people identify more or less with the gender assigned to them at birth. In discussions regarding trans issues, one would differentiate between women who are trans and women who aren’t by saying trans women and cis women. Cis is not an insult, but a neutral descriptor – much like heterosexual is to homosexual.

Sex - The system for assignment and classification of people as male or female based on imprecise perceptions of their physical anatomy – generally the appearance of their external genitalia at birth. Sex is not fixed or immutable, and no single criterion (e.g. genitals, chromosomes, hormones, fertility) definitively describes one’s bodily shape or configuration.

The Gender Binary - Similar to the sex binary, the gender binary is an incorrect system of viewing gender as consisting solely of two categories, termed male and female, in which no other possibilities for gender or anatomy are believed to exist. Gender is not fixed or immutable, and no physical criterion (e.g. genitals, chromosomes, hormones) defines one’s gender. Gender is experiential, and only the person themself can define their gender. The gender binary system is oppressive, and is a cause of marginalisation for people who do not fit within the gender binary.


We also talk about Patriarchy. The Patriarchy is the social system we live in where (primarily cis white) men hold most of the power and hold most of the roles of political leadership, moral authority, social privilege and control of property.

Queer is a term that has been reclaimed by many in the LGBTQIA+ community. It basically means - “not straight” or “not cis”. Read more about definitions of the word Queer here.

Rebecca and I are all cisgender and we are speaking from that position. We are not experts on being trans. The only experts on being trans are trans people. Gender Minorities Aotearoa have amazing resources online for you to read.

Finally, we end this episode with the song Blue by Mema Wilda. Follow Mema on Facebook and Instagram and Spotify.

As always, thank you for listening. Follow us at The Mother Yarns instagram page or Facebook page.

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